worry. i hope everything can get through. but i am not sure how long it will take. a lot of preesure on me now. god. it is even harder than i am just a school girl and have no job.

in this weekend i am a little busy. i have some dates with my friend. on saturday, several of my  college roommates will be togerther in panyu. we may go shopping. and then make a dinner by ourseleve. we have several these kind of parties before. it really makes us closer to each other after we graduated from school. when you have t work, you have no much time to spend with you friends any more. what you can do is trying to find some spare time to contact them and make you don't forget each other.,which is already a big success in your friendship. after friends' dating, i will go to a KTV with my friends. there is a friend celebrating her birthday there. it is happy. cause i will meet some friend i haven't seen for long time. and i love singing. i think it is a good way to relax yourself:)

it is a busy weekend. but i am still looking forward its coming:)

there is a boy, who loves a girl for a long time. he once expressed his love to the girl but unfortunately he was turned down by the girl. the girl had a love at that period. and she very liked her lover. she wanted to be with her lover and never break up. but things went this way. they ended up breaking up. the boy left the girl. and the girl was in a bad mood for a long period of time. after that she changed to another city,willing to develop her new life in a new place. she found a new job. it was effective to get out of sadness. she was happy. she made friends with some people. she even went out with some of them. she forgot the unhappy past. she loved her new life. it is even better than the life before. cause she had more friend and life is more funny and excited. she forgot there was still aboy waiting for her. this boy never gave up even he knew the girl had a boyfriend she really liked. but he never did something to make she uncomfortable. he just sent some greeting messages to the girl at some special days. and he would always send out a presents at the girl's birthday.

 

.......to be continued

don't have the chance to take what you learn to practice. and what you learn is nothing. how can the knowledge belong to yours? i think it muse be through many and many practices to get there. so when you really eager to do something or you say you are interested in something, you shouldn't be just saying without acting. act speak louder than words. act is alway the most important thing to get through everything.

what to do next? i am thinking. it is unluky. or maybe it is some chance to come. i am not afraid. but i am a little worried. there is always another chance. i really believe this. but how soon comes the chance? will it make me wait so long time. i don't have that much to waste. i must earn my living and if it can i must do something to support my father. next month two sister will attend the universty. it is a huge expend. my father has done a lot to support his children. he is old now. i am afraid he is not in a good health. i really want to share the pressure with him. if i can ,i will take the whole pressure in the future. i want my parents to live a good life in the future. i can't depend on my brother. he is not the one who can give my parents a good life.

when he failed to take part in the preliminary contest, we are regretful. some criticise him, for they waiting for this moment for long time.and now it goes away. some say he has not sport sprin, in the very moment he decide to get out of the game. even he knows the audience outside the bird's nest because of him. for chinese people and him, this is the most excited moment. the chinese waiting to see another miracle. and liu xiang, himself, spend four years for willing to show somthing. and now everything has gone.

i can understand the feeling of these people who criticise liuxiang after he leave the raceway. we may feel we are befooled.should'nt he tell us earlier about his injury, get us time to accep the fact that he may not attend the race. falling down from the top expectation, it is really tough for many chinese. but we must know liuxiang, himself is feeling more hurt than us. he devotes himself to all the past four years for this moment. and inthe last four years he take more pressure than other sport people. i think i believe he doesn't want to give up like this. so be kind, for this event. and if you still be liuxiang's side it doesn't matter.

it is not a good interview. i think i may have lost it. it is a position of  assistant migration consultant. the work is really like what i am doing now. i don't like that kind of job, many trivial things to do and may have no any promotion. the human resource lady told me if it is hard for an assistant to become a consultant. i wonder if things go this way how it possible for someone to do such a job. but i keep the double in my mind. maybe she just don't like me and say something horrible to me to give up any try. it is a very short interview. cost less than 5 minutes, but before the lady came to interview me, i had spent half an hour to wait. it is nice of the assistant HR girl to tell me several times about their director's schedule and say sorry to me for my waitting. i like her more than her director. i think this girl will become a good HR in the future. get back to my topic. hehe. those are some outlying words. let it go. i want to talk my interview, the unsuccessful interview. about the bad translation, i know i may have ruin it . whatever, i like to do some job connected to english language. give me good luck, my god~~

i have an interview this afternoon. i take some hours'leave from my boss. i have sent in my jacket. if it is handled soon, i think i may leave this end of the month. how to explain the feeling now? i may say some excitement, some nurve and some dread. it is a complicate and mixed feeling. but whatever, all i can do is to move on. never look back. i believe if you insist doing something.it may be more possible for you to success. i know it is tough for me who is so lazy and unpersistent. but i want to make a try. and like to give me a last chance of my career. hope is alway what i like to do when i face difficult. and what i can do more is act and think.i think i can get throught whatever difficult it is if i really keep thinking and acting~~

it is true i feel puzzle recently. i drop my study plan. and everyday i keep watching tv and cooking me a good dinner after work. i relax as best as i can. some examinations are approching. i know i must prepare for them.  but i still don't have the mind to do any preparation. i may fail if i keep in the situation. for stopping the thing going that way, i get some idea. i ask a friend who will take part in a judicature Exam to study with me, hoping i can get any courage and confidence and persistence from him.

read an article. the subject is "control your talent".as the article says, everyone has its talent. but we always don't see it or look down upon it. we are blind most of the time. the question we should ask ourselve is not "what talent we can't use" but "how we can make use of our talent." find out what you can do, and believe it will become better than you think when you develop it.

it seems like a long long day. i feel very tierd like a exhausted dog, giving out the last energy. i need some break. how long is my dream! how cool this world? when i devote all myself into it, i feel nothing i get back from it except dissapionment, a lot dissapionment. i konw i must be brave to face all the unfornate i may meet. i can't avoid them. so i should accept them. but how hard it is for me.i am weak. maybe long long before i lied to you and said i was brave. now i tell you that is noot true. i really need someone to back upon me. and i am searching. can you tell where i can find? or at least tell me when i will meet? my God~~

when i open my space, i see your message. you says "come here to find some courage." i strat to understand there maybe something to happen. i reply:"keep hope, i will be your side." i remember i once read a article, which has a sentence i remember till now.  it is "everyone like to find courage from other people so as to move on." here it signifys by personel it is hard to get to the destination.  i think about it for a while. then i realize it is true. in a long way to struggle for something, we may meet a lot of difficulties. it is not every time we can keep our mind on what we do and igonre the difficulties. and at the moment we need to find some help from our friends.

When you keep your mind on something, you will find time is not enough. It never happens before, when you were free at most of time and didn’t take anything seriously. it is very strange. More care for something, more bad feeling you have. Does it mean that you shouldn’t care much ,or don’t hold up much hope so you won’t feel upset? It is true that when I am not eager for something I don’t mind it belongs to me or not in the end. and when I have hope on something, I will pay much attention and hope for a good result. But someone says without hope there is no success. There is a will, there is a success. But how is to become of me if I lose much hope. Anybody knows any answer?

“Lift should be a pattern of experiment to enjoy, not endure.” I thought of this sentence again. Yesterday I really feel tired and exhausted. I suddenly feel I am nothing after seeing some friends. These people are so successful that make me feel bad of myself. I am a failure. I know. I have tried. But it seems like changes don’t come yet. I am still the one of nothing. After party I have insomnia . I can’t sleep well. I am anxious about what to do next. I come across large pressure. I can’t focus my mind on anything. The colleague says I am die-away, which is true. My brain is  in on hold. I take a long break for myself. I do nothing. Except watching TV and relax myself as possible as I can. I go out to have dinner with a friend long time no see. I call a friend I want to contact long time ago. These do some good. I finally feel a little better. This morning, when I sit before the computer, I think of the sentence at the beginning. And a signature of a friend titled “not for comparing with  others, just for surpassing yourself” make me think about for a while. Take something as interest and enjoying the progress , don’t take as missions you may feel better.

Tomorrow I have a date with my friends. We are going to KTV. One if her friends gets  promotion and he invites her celebrate it with the other friends of his. I am lucky to get the chance by accident. Because I am my friend’s best friend, and I happen to have a date with her this weekend. So the inviter asks me to come with my friend. Do I like singing? I don’t know. But I am not exclusive from it. maybe not that much love, but still not dislike it. I remembered my first KTV tour, with my classmates in the graduation day. We celebrated for the graduation. At that time we are anticipated with our life and our work, hoping to play out our strength in the future. But I didn’t know how to sing that moment, so in one evening I just sang a song together with some friends and nothing more in the rest of the evening. My truly meaning singing was when I went out with my boss and my colleagues. I sand two songs by myself. And then I found out it was not that bad. So I began to sing in the next KTV time. Till now, it may be still only not more than 10 times of singing in the KTV. But now I am not afraid to sing along by myself. Sometimes some friends would give a applause to my songs. Maybe they were just happy I shut up and they get the turn to sing. But whatever I take it as o positive reaction. And built confidence of my own.

 

Wish a good day to everyone.

A friend said he had found a job. I felt happy for him. This job results from one month’s searching. He said it was not his desired job, but he had no choice but accepting it. I understand. We are not the ones who can’t live without a job. if we do, we will not having money to pay for our rent and food. It is real-life. I hate that, but I still have to accept it. even thought the life is not going well, I still want to live a happy life as I can. I told my sister, you may be not rich. It is ok. You may think going to the theater and watching a movie is luxury then you choose to go to the park , some of the parks are free. Or you can read book in the book center, which is free too. Or you can ride a bike , go to field and have a picnic. It is not free. But you just need to invest some money on food. There are so many other ways you can make you enjoy yourself. Not doubt we must work hard and try our best to find a job which really suit us, but beyond that, we still should enjoy our life, taking it a experiment of enjoyment, not endure.

I am trying hard to figure out what life should be, taking me back from depression, giving myself confidence and faith to conquer whatever the challenge is. Life is hope and active. I want to make myself believe that, and keep going without any hesitation. the aim is so far, but I am not afraid. I think there will be a good end for me.

 

Wish every of my friends happy work and life.

A brief act of kindness can bring you unexpected insight.

I was shopping at a department store, and  I had boarded the down elevator when I noticed a woman standing to the side. She looked like 65 years olds, and her expression told me she was scared,  I turned around her and asked:” do you need help?” as the elevator moving downward  I heard the woman softly replyed:” i am afraid.” , including a hint of incredulity. i asked:" want me to come back and get you?" "yes." she said., but when I reached her, she had reconsidered:” I don’t think I can do this.” I suddenly was awared I make  a far greater investment than I expected. ,“I think we can do it.” i said." i can hold on to you."the woman looked back ?, and then her eyes turned back to mine.” "I never do that before.” She said, As to her and to me. i noticed her scare had to do with the machanical nature, an truely humanity untrustworthiness. “ shall we?” I smiled. As we stepped on the elevator, she made a little sound of alarm, but we had made the  point of no turning back. she relaxed slightly as the elevator went downstairs. "i don't understand this at all." she said. When we came to the bottom, her grip tightened again, but we did fine. “ I was grateful….” She began.” No, you are welcome.” I said,” I am happy.” Yes, I was happy. I did a little. I was busy caring formy family and doing whole job. in that brief moment, there was a suddenly insight into my mind about why some people became nurse or social worker or minister. When I helped the woman, I felt pure,whole, and  purpose. i was a happier moment than I had in weeks.

Money is really a big problem. We know, but sometimes we can do nothing to it. shortness of money makes us unable to do many things. some things are really urgent. May cause death or regret for the whole life. nowadays money is more and more important. Inflation comes, price are higher and higher. The money we have can buy less stuff now. survival becomes harder and harder. The problem is how we can expanse our money in hand. We can’t make it more through our job. the salary is fixed, not flexible. According to the company’s regulation, most of us can’t do part-time job. so can we do? most of the people invest the money into the stock market, hoping the profit continue to rise like the year before. But what a disappointment! Whoever invests any money to the stock market lost much. It is said that 90% investor lost money in the stock market this year. It is a huge percentage. And this year many disaster happened. First is the snow disaster. Second is the train tragedy. Then the earthquake, etc. it is supposed to be a good year, cause we will hold the olympic games in Beijing, which is the first time held in china. But now before it is held, there were so many incidents. Some are huge in the cost of many lives. We know life should be going on. But watching these disaster we feel of our inability, it is really hardship for all of us. But right, life still should be going on, holding a hope within our heart. We believe the next will be a good sunny day.